okay, so i’ve let this one simmer a little…. not in a bad way… sometimes when you throw things into a pot, they just have to simmer on the back burner a while for things to come together, y’know? a couple of weeks ago, in my conversations with God, He challenged my understanding of repentance… it went something like this- me: “Daddy, i messed up again. please forgive me” God: “you’re welcome” me: {silence with a really puzzled look} God: “what is repentance?” me: “turning away from my sin, right?” God: “what do YOU think?” me: “DANGIT!!!” me: (internally) “why can’t He just tell me what He wants to tell me?” God: (out loud) “because it’s more fun this way…”
okay, so i took a little literary license, but this was my conclusion, i get really frustrated with my perpetual sin-focus (whether committing sin, repenting of it or beating myself up over it even after i repent)… and i realized that unlike everything else i have grown to understand, i wasn’t looking at God in the area of sin… sure, i trust that He has forgiven me, but i keep watching it… kinda like watching the trash you take to the curb to make sure that the garbage truck picks it up and doesn’t drop anything… and what God was showing me was that He had ALREADY picked it up… in all of this i heard a simple quiet prompting to look at Him. me: “okay, God… done! i am looking at You, and You have my undivided attention." God: “good. do you know how much I Love you?” me: “i have an idea, but You manage to show me more and more every day.” God: “do you know that I have already paid the price for all of your sin?me: “sure, i get that” God: “then simply thank Me for forgiving you” me: “of COURSE!!! thank You, Daddy. i really appreciate Your grace and forgiveness!” God: “you are welcome… have you noticed anything?” me: “ummmm… i give up, have i noticed anything?” God: {chuckling… at or with me, i’m not entirely sure} “where is your sin?” me: “hmmmm… i don’t see it, so i guess that means it’s behind me?” God: “and did you actively turn away from your sin?” me: “no… i actively turned toward You… turning away from sin just kinda happened” God: “and this is your act of repentance.”
POW!!! did you get that? when we actively turn towards God, we automatically turn away from our sin!!! it dawns on me that what i have been calling ‘repentance’ all of these years is, actually, ‘confession’… we can confess of our sin while we’re still sitting in it or looking at it. confession is good… in fact, we are instructed to confess our sins, but confession is NOT repentance… repentance is turning from our sin, we don’t even have to ask for forgiveness to repent… so groveling is definitely unnecessary… and ruminating is WAY out!!! the whole “dear God, please forgive me for _______” prayer can very easily become a check-the-box thing, completely empty and ritualistic… but when we turn to face and thank God, this is our sincere repentance. this distinction is HUGE for me! repentance, i now realize, is not about the obligatory “i did it again” or going to God beaten and self-defeated by our inadequacies… what it IS about is worshipping God in light of His grace and the forgiveness we already have! | 
